Into the Wild

Maurice: Yup, it’s time for some morning mojo ‘round here.

Today has not started out well. I found out that I didn’t get the teaching job in Micronesia. Therefore, it’s back to hunting and applying and interviewing and hoping…I still have possible opportunities in Guatemala, Poland and Russia, but nothing for sure yet…I’m definitely in need of some mojo.

Thankfully I have an awesome pal who is always ready and able to supply some. I was having a crappy day on the weekend (why so much crap in my life lately?!) and asked said pal Justin if he would mind texting me some mojo. He sent me the following story which made me laugh and then smile for a good half hour after. Thanks Justin! Mwah!!

"Once upon a time there was this giant turtle that had a bad case of hemroids. He went to his mom’s house to borrow her friggin laser-gun-flame-thrower cuz he figured he could just lance the fuckers right off. Well, turns out that the weapon was on the marshmallow cooker setting, so when he went to fix himself up he managed to get s'mores all over his ass and this attracted a large colony of ants that in turn ate away at his ass leaving his body in wreckage only fit for the life of a pirate. He left his home with two wooden legs and a box of saltines and a family size jar of peanut butter to sail the seas…You could say he was an anti-butt pirate. Ha! Get it? He’s an anti-butt pirate cuz the ants ate his butt right off…Well I thought it was funny…"

I feel better already! Tank Girl also gives me mojo. Peh-peh-peh-POW!!!